Independence Day?

Everybody should buy Glenn Beck's book "Common Sense", inspired by the original writing of Thomas Pain.

I started this book today and I can hardly put it down. In the midst of my training, my family, my quiet time and my work, I am still trying to find time to squeeze Mr. Beck in because the book is just truly fascinating. At the same time, his view of the current state of our government and our apathy towards it is eerie and yet frightfully true in my most humble opinion.

I am about halfway through and I cannot wait to see what has to say next. I don't really know anything about Mr. Beck except that one time at my sister's house I saw him on the television and he was crying a lot. I didn't take that as weakness; rather, I understood him to be very passionate about his country and its direction. I don't sit in a seat of judgment with anyone, I just listen and try to determine for myself what I think of what is said. What do I believe? What do I want to teach my children?

So far, from what I've read in his book, I can't disagree. I don't know the parties or representatives in question, I don't know much about the changing legislations, and I become overwhelmed at the insane amount of money discussed in political debates. I am guilty of shutting the TV off, putting my hands over my ears, and singing the Smurfs theme song hoping it will all go away. Obviously, that's not working. I don't want to sit by idly anymore.

So, what do I do? Can one person really change anything?

Before Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" (which, Mr. Beck reminds us, sparked the writing of the Declaration of Independence which was signed a short 7 months later...think how long it takes us to get ANYTHING done anymore in government!!!), there were individuals bucking the system, ready to fight Britain and whatever/whoever else stood in their way of freedom of complete government control. Now we are giving the government control little by little, hoping they will fix everything with money they don't have and power they abuse. We see it all the time.

When will 1 become 2 and 2 become 10 and 10 become 1000s and 1000s become millions? In a democracy, it should be the voice of the people; not the voice of the guys who get paid by the lobbyists, who will never have to worry about retirement, who will never stand in a line to file for unemployment/WIC/etc....it's us -- down in the trenches, paying THEM and allowing them to make decisions for us as they just move us deeper into a hole we'll never be able to crawl out of...as they create a multi-trillion dollar debt of legacy for our children and grandchildren.

I am not going to sit here and "worry" about it, however, because my God (which, by the way, our Nation was FOUNDED under) does not give me the spirit of fear/worry/anxiety, but of peace and a sound mind. He gives me the commandment to pray for my government, to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's (pay taxes), and to work for the Lord and not for men. I cannot just say "forget you, President Obama and Capitol Hill!". No, rather, I agree with Mr. Beck that we must proceed peacefully and (in my words) put the battle in God's hands. Spread the word, talk to others, educate, and liberate.

Otherwise, Independence Day, July 4, 1776 is nothing but a story in a history book.

If anyone wants to agree/disagree that is perfectly fine, for as Mr. Beck so aptly puts it: "I sincerely believe that no discussion or debate is un-American. I agree with the Founding Fathers that it is only on the battlefield of ideas that the best ones can be recognized and ultimately prevail. Only those afraid of truth seek to silence debate, intimidate those with whom they disagree, or slander their ideological counterparts. Those who know they are right have no reason to stifle debate because they realize that all opposing arguments will ultimately be overcome by fact".

Well said, Mr. Beck...and I'm only halfway through!!!

Moving into the Land of the Employed

Yesterday I had 2 interviews back to back and while it was exhausting both mentally and physically, it was definitely rewarding!

They were both group interviews, which reminded me very much of the scene of the Jim Carey movie "Fun with Dick and Jane" when Dick finally gets an interview only to find that his nemesis is also in the same parking garage and headed to the same interview. My nemesis wasn't there (I don't have one), but when Dick and his nemesis get to the suite where the interview is to take place, there are hundreds(?) of people in line for the same interview! LOL

It wasn't that bad. I was in a room with about 10-12 other candidates and I liked the concept actually. The interviewer wanted to see how we acted in a group environment, where we sat, how we interacted with him in front of others, etc. I had no problem with this whatsoever at either interview. I actually thrive more in this environment.After the presentation(s), we were given the option to leave if the opportunity wasn't what we were looking for and some did. I am not that easy to deter, however, so I stayed in both situations...much to my reward.

I'm not going to go into a long tirade here, but suffice it to say that I accepted the second offer and will be getting licensed by the State of Florida to help individuals find the type of health insurance they need, can afford, and will be happy with. The way the industry is about to be turned on its ear, more people are seeking out options other than HMOs and that is where I will be able to help...I love to help, love to serve, etc...and this is right up my "alley" - wanting to make a difference (see previous post).

The best part -- I make my schedule. Yes, there are expectations and meetings and calls, but overall, I know I will be here for my kids, for Cornerstone, for LIFE.

So far, I feel really great about it. I prayed a lot about it and I have such peace along with this intense excitement and joy...it's AMAZING! What was I EVER nervous about?

I also did not burn the bridge with the first company, and that's an important lesson I've learned over the years. I had nothing against the first company -- they were awesome too in their own rights...I just felt that with my medical background, the second company was a better fit.

I'm very excited and I feel incredibly blessed.

2 Interviews Back-2-Back Monday

...and I'm N-E-R-V-O-U-S...

to say the least.

yet, I feel blessed.

In our market in Florida, unemployment is now beyond 10%. Therefore, to receive 2 phone calls in less than a week is flattering and exciting. Hopefully, the opportunities will not disappoint.

The interesting thing is, the jobs are not in fields that I would have normally considered as my groove. I have 10 years telecommunications spread across management, technical writing/testing/analyzing, residential repair, as well as regulatory and commission affairs. After being forced to leave telecom with the downsizing of the last company I gave my heart to (awwww), I sought certification in medical transcription so I could work from home and be with my small children. Now, they're not so small; however, the amount of work has dwindled significantly and has put me in a seeking position again.

So, I find myself up late night after night, going over site after site, looking for that "perfect" position. I've received a couple of responses in the field(s) I have experience in indicating I am a year shy of the experience they are looking for (5 versus the 4 I have in transcription) or that because it is home-based and not hospital-based that won't work either. One other email from an unnamed company indicated that my requested salary was "too high"; therefore, I responded that salaries are negotiable and, if that was the only thing holding me back...let's talk. It's a hard market out there, and it's funny that where I have experience, no one wants to give me the time of day....but, where I've never considered, I have recruiters interested in molding me and shaping me into what they want. They like what I write, what they hear, what they see.

We'll see how it goes Monday. It could be a bust. I maybe won't like what they have to say. I could show up and it be a mass interview process like on "Fun with Dick and Jane" with Jim Carey (that scene was HILARIOUS) and I might be just part of a herd of people going to a presentation...who knows? It'll be great experience if nothing else and I'm excited, because it just might be the beginning of something great.

Michael Moore's "SiCKO"

I have never seen one of Michael Moore's documentaries before and I am actually not a documentary fan per se; however, that being said, I got caught up in this one titled "SiCKO". Say what you want about Michael Moore and where he stands on issues, say what you want about HMOs versus free universal health care, and say what you want about patriotism versus anti-Americanism but I came away from this documentary agreeing with the main points:

(1) Our system is broken. I have been a victim of it, so I can attest to this.
(2) Something needs to be done and the government doesn't truly want to do anything about it. It really DOES stand to lose in the long run. It maybe even can't afford to do anything about it in this economy as it is. I don't know, I just know we're broken and we need repair.
(3) The other countries that he compares our health system to have longer life expectancies, less medication dependencies, less chronic medical problems (they focus on prevention), and they just seem happier in a lot of aspects.

People actually laughed at the idea of having to consider a bill before leaving a hospital in some of the countries. I can't tell you how many times I have been lying in the hospital bed worrying about the cost of my stay, or even sat by my daughter's side worrying about the dollars and cents accruing instead of focusing on getting her better.

I have no idea what the answer is and I will be the first to admit that. I don't think it is to jump ship and move to GB, France, or even Cuba. I have to trust that someone with a degree in the right field is going to come up with that innovative plan or that the "powers that be" will agree on a plan that isn't going to necessarily put profit in their pockets and will instead help all of us take care of each other.

I don't know that the NHS in Britain or the government-funded program in France or the medical system in Cuba have the answers. I do know, however, that Mr. Moore has a point that we've all forgotten as HUMAN BEINGS...it's about "we", not "me".

Love one another as I have loved you.

Whatever you do for the least of these, you have done to me.

To watch people get "dumped" on Skid Row by hospitals because the patients couldn't pay for the care was a disgrace to our country. To see volunteers who helped to reunite this country in the effort to uncover evidence of loved ones in the rubble of 9-11 be denied much needed medical assistance, medications, and tests is a disgrace to our country. Finally, to see a family lose their husband and father at the age of 37 because the treatments he needed were considered experimental (although there were at least 3 different types requested on at least 3 different occasions, all backed up by medical evidence of chance for survival), THAT is a disgrace.

At least the first 2 would not have happened if our system were fixed. Only God knows about the third, but the health care system didn't give the man a chance.

It was a sad, heartbreaking, and moving documentary that made me want to get up and DO something...but government isn't what it's supposed to be. It's not a democracy where we, the people, have a voice. The lobbyists have the voice because they have the money. So, I sit here and type, sad for those families that suffer, praying that one day we will remember to unite and care for each other again.

The Hunt for Red October

Has anyone ever seen that movie?

It was a great movie....

That's how I feel right now, searching for (1) a trustworthy website to look for a job and (2) a good-looking job.

I'm nearing 5 years of being home now, 4 of which I have been either self-employed/contracted as a medical transcriptionist or have been working for a wonderful company I shall leave nameless at this time. Working from home definitely has had its advantages as I have been able to be here for my children while they are small; however, it has been almost 5 years and the kids do not really need me as much as they used to and, honestly, I am getting bored.

I am a driven individual that needs goals, plans, motivation, etc. Don't get me wrong, my kids give me plenty of plans and motivation every day and I most certainly have long-term plans in mind for them! I just miss the comradery you develop (or should develop) with your coworkers, the feeling you get when you meet the deadline and the work is exceptional, and I even miss the mind-numbing traffic. I guess I just miss being a grown-up sometimes.

Thing is, I want to be cautious here....the Israelites wanted a king and boy, did God let them have one since they wouldn't stop their whining. I want a job because He says it's time to have one. I know if I get a job now, it's definitely His timing -- not mine. I've been self-employed, basically, for 4 years and unemployment is Florida is now over 10%. To get a job now is literally a miracle. Literally.

We really need for me to go back to work, too. The bills are really piling up. My heart is so sad for those people, those families, who struggle so hard to survive on one person only making $8.00/hour. I see them every week coming into the Center and I can't help but want to take care of them. I've started bringing in some of our own stuff to give to them just to make sure they get what they need. I figure if I have extra, I can share. I've been there, done that. Hopefully, if we ever ended up there, someone would share their extra with us.

Anyway, so here I sit night after night trying to figure out what to do. It used to be easy. Pick up a paper or drive down the road and look for a "Help Wanted" sign. I haven't even seen one of those in so long. I remember using websites before and I don't remember them being so convoluted but now you go there and they are so full of "commercials" for this school and that product that I can't see straight. I just want to apply for the job, please. Yes, I would LOVE to go to school, but who will pay the bills in the meantime? Not you? Then, please, let me apply and stop asking me if recruiters can call me or if you can email me coupons for cheese or a free magazine or whatever.

A few months ago, I applied for a job with what I thought was a "real" company. Instead, it turns out it was a recruiting firm of some type...but not a good one that actually tries to work with you and determine your weaknesses and strengths and match you up with a compatible employer. It was funny the emails I started receiving at first, as they were really off-base with the work I've done and the type of person I am. Soon, however, it became very annoying. Eventually, when I didn't return any emails or click on any of their included advertisements, they stopped emailing me. Yes, I could have marked them as spam, but I guess deep down I was hoping they would actually send me something worthwhile.

It's a scary and sad world out there, and I know that some employers are going to look at my resume and equate self-employed to that all-dreaded word "housewife" or "stay-at-home mom", but I know who I am and what I'm capable of...besides, I happen to know that what I have been accomplishing the last 4-5 years has been just as tough if not tougher than what I ever did in telecommunications.

I have balanced my managing skills by helping mold 2 small babies into 2 little people, my organizational skills by managing the home, my accounting skills by keeping the ship from sinking so far, improving my skills as a teammate with my husband through some of the more stressful years of our marriage so far, and all the while still maintaining a career during all hours of the day (transcription is on an as-needed basis and requires weekends too)! On top of all that, I learned how to give more of MYSELF, which I wasn't really doing before. I donate my time to the community by working with a local women's center and I only recently stepped down from managing/coordinating a young-adult drama team. I have been the busiest I have ever been, I just don't have a big fat paycheck and a 401k to show for it.

Someone help me change that.

Upcoming Interview!

I am ecstatic! A real lead!



I won't say where, but I have a real interview today (Wednesday) and I am totally ecstatic. It's only part-time, which would work out well (I'm hoping) with my current job. I am part of that 7% of the under-employed...I did my taxes last week, and my earnings dropped by 50% this last year since I lost one of my contracts. Additionally, my daughter started school this year but only goes 1/2 days, so that limits my availability on my other contract. As a result, I'm getting much less work.

I'm praying for God's will...he knows my needs, my family's needs, and our hearts' desires. If it's what He wants, then it'll work out. If not, it's good interviewing experience and definitely a morale booster!

In the meantime, my volunteering experience at the pregnancy center has been in high demand with the spanish clientele near sky-rocketing. It's heart-breaking yet an incredible opportunity to serve where I have been unable to in years past. I love being there for them, sharing in their experiences, and learning about them. The best part is being able to help them!

So, we'll see how today pans out...is my time at the center up? Am I changing careers? Will I still get to serve at the center, with IGNITE drama, work with the oncology transcription AND still meet the needs of my family? Only God knows....

My Amateur Review of the Old Hickory Steakhouse

More to come...I just wanted the people at the Steakhouse to know I will be typing it. I'm at work right now and can't remember all the notes I wrote. I put on the comment card that I would be writing and that was 3 days ago, so I thought it to be prudent to drop a line.

Be back later...

American Idol(s)

I have been a HUGE fan of American Idol ever since it began.

I think we only missed half of one season, and I can't even remember why...we may have been just really busy being married and with a baby and all, I don't know. Regardless, I have a lot of fond memories just about WATCHING American Idol.

My husband and I, for one whole season, were living with his brother and his new wife while we were waiting for our new home to be built. The four of us would watch it together and when the commercials came on, the guys would get up and put on a little show for me and Kristine. Of course, neither of them are AI material and they aren't So You Think You Can Dance material either, so it was hilarious to say the least.

My husband and I find ourselves commenting on the performers the same way Randy and Simon do..."that was pitchy", "just horrible", etc...We are pretty good at picking the favorites, and we have rarely been just dead wrong about who will end up in the top 20.

This year I have to admit that I was very let down by the fact that they let Bikini Girl through. Guys, I realize sex sells and the chick was pretty, but seriously? The girl looked like she was a chicken pecking seeds off the ground when she sang...and her voice was like it should be in a Disney show or something...not horrible, but not the next Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood by no means.

Also, they let the screaming guy through that looks like he's in a great deal of pain while he's singing (Von). A spoiler alert indicates he may be hanging in for a while. The only screamers I know that have made good money doing so is Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), J. Joplin, and the Rolling Stones. I know there's others, but I'll stop there. The thing is, Von doesn't sing this style...he looks like he came from the age of Frank Sinatra.

I'm calling, for now, my faves as Adam Lambert (picture below) and Danny Gokey (picture below). I am NOT choosing Danny b/c of his sadly tragic situation at all, although it did grab my attention and help me remember him. He is truly talented. Adam I had not seen anything from that I can remember until last night...then, I was like "whoa! Where did that guy come from?"

There are some good girls too (Leneshe Young for one), but I just think that -- so far -- the guys are stronger.

I also like the addition of Kara to the judging panel. It shows that Simon truly gets on people's nerves, that Paula really isn't all THAT crazy, and I like how she herself is kinda nutty. She got those claws out a couple of times with Bikini Girl and I, for one, was cracking up.

Finally, I nominate Tatiana Nicole del Torro as AI's Season 8 Drama Queen. That chick is PSYCHO, melodramatic, and possibly even bipolar. I'm not even sure she can sing; I think they keep her on for the drama factor. She stirs it up!

Alright. That's my two cents for how little it's worth -- especially in this economy.

Good-for-nothing diagnoses

I have a couple of people in my life, very close to me, who struggle with symptoms of some type of syndrome, disease, illness, or whatever that the doctors simply cannot identify precisely...so they do what doctor's call diagnosing them with an "exclusion diagnosis". This is when no other diagnosis they can think of readily fits the patient, so they just give a very general diagnosis...

One example that is common is irritable bowel syndrome. No way you haven't heard of it. Some call it spastic colon. It's all the same. It means you either have bouts of horrible constipation, diarrhea, or you vary between the two and the doctors cannot find a viral, bacterial or other reason through colonoscopy, x-ray, etc to link to Crohn disease, allergies, or the common exclusion/inclusion of campylobacter, salmonellae, helicobacter, and shigella or E. coli. So, they check you for all of this, most come up negative and they say "You have a spastic colon". There's nothing they can really do except give you meds to try to stop your colon when it's doing its "thing" and you have to play around to find which med works for you and at what dose. If you're lucky, it will go away on its own...if not, you'll be struck with it for years.

I have a little girl who just turned 5 and they have no idea why she struggles with bouts of constipation. She has to take Miralax at an adult dose 2x a day and she still gets "backed up" all the way to the pyloric sphincter (very bottom of the stomach). So, when this happens, she has to go through a horrible regimen of the Miralax PLUS Milk of Magnesia. When this has failed her, she has in the past been hospitalized and put on magnesium citrate (called Go Lightly) which is HORRIBLE. They put it in through a nasogastric tube (through the nose into the stomach). At this point, she has had several x-rays, a gastrogram, and blood work...I think they should do a colonoscopy and check for something else. This CAN'T be normal in a 5-yr-old...

Another lovely band-aid label I think is given out too often is "fibromyalgia". I've seen studies on this condition, watched medical shows on it, and have had 2 friends who were diagnosed with it as well. One of my closest friends battles with the symptoms of this label, and it is something I wouldn't wish on one of my worse enemies. She has been becoming more and more debilitated over the last 2 years; somewhat due to the pain in her muscles, but I also think it has a lot to do with all of the near-20 medications they have her on (no joke! but that's a subject for another discussion!). Simply stated, "algia" means pain, "myo" means muscle, and "fibro" means fibrous (tissues). There are so many other conditions and rare diseases this could be related to that other medications (which she is not on) could treat. Instead, her original physician (who did not put her through the proper test (pain in at least 11 of 18 designated "tender" points, and a >3-month history of widespread chronic pain in all 4 body quadrants) heard her story and just diagnosed her as fibromyalgia because he couldn't think of anything else. Now, all these years later and doctors later, they are still treating her as such. She could have rheumatoid arthritis, gout, osteoarthritis (her symptoms fit many of these), yet none of the physicians LISTEN to her. They look at her electronic chart, fill out another pain pill script, collect her co-pay and send her on her way.

I went with her one time because she was becoming more and more fatigued and was having chest pain. The physician she was seeing was chalking it up to her "fibromyalgia" and I was not having it, so I went with her and pushed for him to send her to a cardiologist. She got the referral and I went with her. The cardiologist did an EKG and found an abnormality. She had a cardiac catheterization and they found 2 vessels with occlusion and the cardiologist said at least 1 of the vessels was so blocked (90%) that she would have had a heart attack had she held out any longer and that this was the reason she was so fatigued. The heart could not pump the oxygenated blood through her body. Fibromyalgia my rear.

She also has a finding in her lung that the same physician says is normal for people who come from up north. Does he not see it in her chart that she was a long-time smoker? Does he not hear her when she says she has a chronic cough? He chalks that up to COPD. I think she should see a pulmonologist and have a CT scan, but I cannot manage her health care...I can only support her the best way I can.

I'm not a doctor, and I hope I'm wrong on some of this stuff, but all I know is that I'm seeing a lot of "lazy diagnoses" while my husband and my friends are all paying out some hefty medical/health care amounts. Frustrating doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about this.

Buzz word = Economy

I know there is a lot of truth to it, but how annoying is it when crazy stuff gets blamed on "the economy"?

One of the most ridiculously pathetic stories I heard on "E" (that's probably my first mistake, getting my "news" from the "Entertainment News Channel"), was that they were having to scale down in Hollywood on the gifts given to celebs at the awards shows. That's terrible! Whatever will the celebrities do when they have to accept a $100.00 dog tag necklace instead of the $x000+ bling they're used to getting? And what do you mean there won't be any designer sunglasses? You mean they'll have to be photog'd in their giant sunglasses from last season unless they buy their own? No way!

It's the economy, the report said. I see. That's awful. I teared up at the thought of the fewer number of brand new Jimmy Choo(s), or the celebs having to pull out a dress they may have worn before (gasp!), or...

Ok, you get the point. Thing is, I know not all the celebs are so shallow and are not in it for the freebies, getting all dressed up for the red carpet, the shoes (no, that would be me! LOL), etc. I know there are some that do the job cuz they love it and the money's great too...but, I imagine there are just as many if not more that looked into those goodie bags at the awards show and secretly said to themselves "WHAT? That's IT?"

Then, they rolled out in their slick ride to their crib (j/k)...

Seriously, though, unemployment is up to 7.5% and underemployment is up to 6.4%. THAT is sad.

They say that if we start selling houses, that would boost the economy. Hmmm. Who wants to jump first? The reported unemployed and underemployed are struggling not to lose their houses and, if they do, their houses will flood the market with even more foreclosures...sending the housing market even further into the hole. So, no one is selling because their houses are not "worth anything", no one is buying because the job market is crashing and it's all a big circle.

So what's anyone's ideas on how to fix it?

From what I understand, we're in our 12th or 13th recession in documented history...so we'll come out of it...but how? What worked before? Can it work again?

I'm part of the 6.4% underemployed, seeking more work....a career. I need to help my family, save my house...but, you know, "the economy"...

So, I watch E and get entertained.

The Big Game

OK OK -- so we LOST. And, like I predicted, I am NOT hearing the end of it. I've been told the directions to I-75 North, about 5 good ways to burn my OU jacket, and what a traitor I am for living in this state and rooting for my home state(?). The best line I heard was: "It's not where you're from, it's where you live." Obviously, the whole "When in Rome..." standard.

I had fun, though. I hung out at Beef's and made some new friends. Amazingly, no enemies. That's the thing about Florida football fans...they are totally into their team and they can really get on your nerves with how they will not let you live down a loss, but they are not mean. I cannot say the same about some fans of some certain "other" teams I've known in the past.

The thing is, I don't take ANYTHING in this life toooo terribly seriously except my faith and my family. The rest is all fun.

And that's all I gotsta say about that.

Over.
=================


I am from Oklahoma and I will therefore cheer for OU. No big surprise there.

Thing is, I live in Florida and married into a HUGE Gator fanatic family. Their blood, I swear, is orange and blue. They believe it to be unfathomable that I should be such a traitor to the Mullins name and cheer for "that other" team.

Funny enough, I haven't had much of a chance to follow OU this year or much over the past years. The Gators are on all the time, plus we have like 1200 other Florida teams. OU isn't really played much. So, seeing as I don't watch ESPN 24 hours a day, nor do I read the paper, I just get to catch a final score here and there. So, the family takes this and uses it against me and teases me every chance they get (i.e. "So, Charity, who's the running back for OU this year?"..."Who got hurt this week?"...like I know...). It took me a week to learn Sam won the Heisman. I know!

Anyway, regardless, I am stoked about the game. I cannot wait to watch it!

I was really looking forward to the annoying teasing that was sure to come with watching it with my husband and his family; however, his mom's brother passed away yesterday and they are all in Palatka today. Instead, I'm heading to a local grill to watch with some friends and will probably be teased by them and other locals. Yippee.

The bright side is that all the FSU fans should be on my side. That is unless they choose not to cheer for a Big 12 team. I just cannot IMAGINE any FSU fan actually cheering for the Gators. That would definitely be an act of traitorism, if that is even a word!

Thing is, I'm actually a little concerned for OU. As a friend of mine and I were talking earlier today, OU does have a history of choking under pressure at big games....and Florida, well, they're F-A-S-T. The offense is unstoppable if they get going. I was teasing another friend of mine that it's because of, well, never mind...I live here now, I better shut up.

I do love Florida, but my heart will always belong to Oklahoma. I miss you guys.

I'll be happy either way, but I'll be ECSTATIC if OU wins. Otherwise, I will NEVER hear the end of it from the family, my church, or my friends!!!!

Finding my Career

I'm going to be 35 years old this coming March...Overall, I feel okay about it; after all, isn't the mid-30's the new 20's? HA!

The thing is, I'm nearing middle-age and I still have no clue what my life's career ambition is. I don't get how some people just know what they are going to do when they head off to college....

I went to college with the idea that I would major in Education and double minor in History and Spanish. Most History teachers where I came from where also coaches of a sport, so I needed to double up on a minor to ensure I would have a job out of college. While there, however, I would walk the halls feeling completely goal-less. I thought about changing to Business or Nursing...but never did. Instead, I majored in Partying. I think I passed that one pretty well. Got a degree I think, but I can't remember.

After leaving college too soon, making a few errors in judgment, and winding up in Florida through a series of crazy decisions, I miraculously landed a job in telecommunications. I had come to a point in my life where I was ready to turn things around, yet my past work history had no substance to it (bartender, waitress, hostess, Subway sandwich maker...); however, through working for a Temp service and handling a job for GTE (now Verizon), someone saw something in me and gave me a chance. That chance landed me a successful career in telecom for almost 9 years.

I was at Verizon for about 3, then I went on to a competitor for about 5. The competitor lost $$ and thus I lost my job, along with the VP and everyone under him....it was very sad. Since that time, I have been at home with my kids and struggling to figure out what it is I should do now.

I tried going back to telecom for a while...it was okay. Maybe it was the position, maybe it was the work relationship (or lack thereof) between me and the Director, and maybe it was just me...it just didn't work at that time. No hard feelings. Maybe some other time.

While I was at home in the interim, I decided to "go back to school". I completed my medical transcription schooling and am currently doing that; however, it cannot be a career...we are getting downsized as a whole quickly due to Electronic Health Records and hospitals paying companies overseas. I knew when I went into this it wouldn't be a forever thing...

About 2 years ago, a friend of mine started Nursing school and I considered doing this as well...but financially it wasn't feasible. Plus, the more she got into it and I saw the material, the stress, the demands of the education...I knew I couldn't handle that AND the responsibilities I have with my family...

I feel like my career should be in "serving" or "helping", but that's not very definitive. That could mean "Thank you, sir, would you like another glass of tea?"...I just feel like there's something planned and I can't see it yet. Like I'm looking through the glass darkly.

Currently, I'm waiting to hear on a particular possibility that would be fun and exciting and I would learn a lot about a whole different field. That would make 3 times I have changed my career, which from what I've read is not all that weird these days. I hope it works out, because it could really develop into something long-lasting. It's at least given me a little bit of hope.

It's so daunting...looking at the Classifieds...knowing there's so many people out there looking at the same time (currently our area is at 7% unemployment!)...

Sometimes, I will find that "something" that looks right for me and will apply, pray, and cross my fingers...only to get that e-mail that my resume was "impressive" but they've "regretably" chosen another candidate. :-(

I know when the time is right the right job will come along..the question is, will it be my career? I have no clue.

Stuck in Cymbalta, um, Hades

For those who have known me over the last decade, you know that I've struggled with the progression of my migraine headaches horribly. I've been hospitalized twice (maybe 3x?, can't remember thanks to Topamax!) and have been to 2 neurologists. I've had tons of tests, been on several meds, and there's never a real solution...only band-aids.

To add to my frustration and to that of the doctors who try to help, I am known to always get the rare side effects that come along with whatever drug we try. One drug made my hair fall out. Another gave me a type of temporary blindness for a couple of days until it got back out of my system. I could go on and on. Topamax definitely came with its doozies, but nothing I couldn't handle....at least I wouldn't go bald or blind...I just sound like a ditz sometimes and am pretty forgetful. The joke is that I "used to be" so smart. I really am intelligent, it's just Topamax's side effects make me sometimes seem like I need to have a dictionary or thesaurus on hand at all times. LOL.


Anyway, mostly I'm kidding...I've been on Topamax for a few years now, so I'm pretty used to it. The down-side of that is that as a result, I had an episode of my "chronic status migrainosus" about a little over a year ago (I think, again thank you, Topamax Time Warp). The answer they came up with this time was the Cymbalta. It seemed to work in the beginning, but now I am back to having headaches (though not migraines yet) almost daily.

So, I figure the Cymbalta's not working and I would like to stop it and try something else. Not that easy. I did the research and knew it could be a rocky road and found out the wean regimen I needed to be on. At first, it wasn't too bad...just some really weird visual disturbances, but then I started on the heavier side effects. I had a foggy brain where I couldn't think of words, it felt like my brain was being electrically charged sometimes (painful), I had some really crazy nightmarish dreams, I was fatigued during the day, and my eyes and brain were not communicating. That's the best way I can describe it. This, I found, could be offset with Benadryl somewhat...but the next step I didn't prepare for....

It was mentioned that individuals may experience an "angry stomach". I figured that meant a stomach ache or whatever, and I was ready for that...um, no.

Try feeling like the girl from The Exorcist! That was tooo much! I couldn't lie down, sit up, sleep, stay awake, drink, eat, breathe, nada...without getting sick. I had no other symptoms. I went to the doctor and they put me on an IV for fluids, Phenergan for nausea, and Toradol for my migraine that was coming on from the dehydration and lack of sleep.

All in all, it was suggested to resume the medication.

I called my doctor today, same suggestion.

So, here I am, in Cymbalta Hades. Trapped.

Had I known that the side effects of withdrawal, should I have ever wanted to discontinue the medication, could be that bad I would never have started it. I would have asked them to try a different medication. My migraines at the time were rough (21 days straight with no break, nausea and all, no fluids/food for 3 days, etc) and I realize something had to be done...but something that seems so irreversible?

So, the lesson here kiddos: Do your research before you just jump into taking anything. I usually do, but this time I was so desperate for relief I just jumped. Now I can't take it back. I'm stuck on an expensive medication that doesn't really help and it has my brain in lock-down. I'm more angry at the neurologist for not warning me, because - TRUST ME - I would have asked her to think of something else.

NY Rez's -- Busted Already!

Ok, so I started out the New Year like most do -- with hopes of making change. January 1st seems like such a good day to start, right?

I have learned over the years NOT to set them too high and to be realistic. I even did a silly top-1o list on my facebook/My Space pages (see link on my profile); however, some of them were for real.

I really do want to start getting back into shape. I really do want to cut down on my consumption of Diet Coke, as they contribute to my migraines. I really do need to cut down on my intake of sugars, carbs, and all that nasty stuff since I'm making some medication changes and the weight will now need to be maintained by me! YUCK!

So my first day of the new year, I really wanted to just have, say, 1 Diet Coke and eat better. Not that hard, right? WRONG.We spent the night for New Year's at my BIL and SIL's playing Wii (ow, my arm is sore) and indulging in nachos, drinks, and cookies (and a DELICIOUS dinner).

Well, my SIL had quite the spread available the next morning and I took full advantage. Donuts, greasy bacon, pastries, blah blah blah. In other words: carbs, fat, sugar, etc etc. Then, to drink, I don't drink milk so I had D.C. We watched the guys play more Wii, and I drank more D.C. Then, that afternoon, we had a birthday party for my sister's youngest at McDonald's, so more bad food and more D.C.

January 1st was a total bust! Today is a new day, though. I got up and had a healthy breakfast and have already finished off 24 oz of water AND I did a work-out!

Now just to face my fear of the ostrich!